By Miriam Walsh
Number One: Are you inconsistent?
Does disciplining your kids depend on things like the schedule or the fallout that’s sure to ensue from them once you do? Does it depend on whether or not you can even remember what the rules are? This generates stress and more importantly, is ineffective. If we can’t remember our own rules, how can we expect them to remember? Establish the consequences ahead of time—maybe even post it somewhere—and be sure to stick to them.
We left a birthday party once after being there five minutes! In retrospect we shouldn’t have even gone. The rules had been broken a lot that day and if I had given in again the message would have been an invitation to my passive-aggressive little boy to break even more rules. If exceptions become the norm then so will erratic behavior. Consequences are an excellent teacher. Discipline is important work that sets our kids up to have a healthy relationship with God.
Number Two: Are you in a rut?
Maybe it’s time to shake things up a bit if your methods are not working. Disciplining our kids is an excellent arena to practice the creativity God has given us. If yours needs jumpstarting, read Lisa Welchel’s book Creative Corrections. One of my favorite pearls from her book was one concerning privacy. Do you have a door slammer? Privacy isn’t a right, it’s a privilege. I only had to tell mine once that if the bedroom door got slammed again I would remove it from the hinges. You have to be willing to follow through, though. Bluffing has no place in parenting. He stopped slamming the door because he knew I really would remove it. And that was good because it probably would have taken me two hours to get the door off the hinge!
Number Three: Are your actions rooted in emotion?
Do you dole out harsh corrective measures if you’re in a bad mood and soft ones if you are in a good mood? That sends a mixed message. Discipline isn’t bad. It’s good. Out of control emotions interfere with the mission God has entrusted to us.
They are kids. They will do things wrong. It’s their job to test boundaries and it’s our job to make sure they are firmly in place. If we make it emotional, we undermine our own efforts. Often, when I have been too emotionally frazzled to deal with my kids’ poor behavior, I finally learned to simply say “I can’t deal with this right now so I need some time. Go to your room and I will call you when I’m ready.” Sometimes I send me to my own room instead.
Our heavenly Father is perfect and so are His parenting skills. God disciplines us because He is for us. Our kids need to know we are for them even when we are against their behavior.
Miriam Walsh thrives in West Michigan with her husband of over 20 years and two teenage boys. Known for her ability to weave powerful personal stories with the transformational truth of God’s Word, Miriam loves to refresh the souls of women. Miriam’s ministry passion is leading solitude retreats for women who desire to live out a vibrant faith in Jesus Christ. These experiences balance solid biblical teaching with time for personal reflection out in God’s glorious creation. Join her at her blog: Holy Wonder to delight in the majesty of God’s presence. -